I've always marvelled at working mums, wondering how they manage it. While working full time, I had trouble enough looking after myself and the house, let alone anyone else!
However, for the next four weeks, I am going to be a working mum. I'm filling in at the main bookkeeping job I had when I was pregnant, as the full-timer who replaced me will be on leave. I will only be doing the essentials though, and am hoping to work no more than 5 hrs per day, plus the 2-3 hours a week I'm currently filling in for at another old workplace.
I've been more than just a bit anxious leading up to it. I've stocked up with items such as shampoo and bought lots of quick and easy pantry items, in order to minimise the shopping requirements during the month. I've worked out the babysitting schedule with mum, hashed it over, typed it up. I've been trying to get into good routines again, of dishes done, clothes laid out and nappy bag packed the night before. I've done a big clean up of Cooper's room and half the pantry. Didn't get anywhere near finishing the tidy up in the office, so my mother-in-law will just have to put up with it during the week she stays. I'm anxious about how Cooper will cope as he needs lots of cuddles even after I leave him for just a couple hours, but I'm sure things will be fine.
I'm also a touch excited. I pulled out my old suits and nervously tried them on.... and they fit!! (Well, close enough!) I'm quite looking forward to wearing suits instead of trackies and having 5 hours a day of being drool/vomit/etc free. It will be great to use my brain again and to have set tasks to complete without quite so many interruptions. And of course, it will be exciting to get paid at the end of each fortnight :)
I'm glad it's just for 4 weeks though, so I can have a little taste and then go back to being a stay at home mum again.
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Finished
I like jobs that have a clear finishing point, that can be ticked off. Like doing the laundry... wash, hang, fold, put away... the washing basket is empty, the clothes cupboards are full, therefore the task is DONE. My favourite part of bookkeeping is finishing the bank reconcilliation. It's the last thing I do at the end of the month, after all invoices, payments, etc, etc are entered. When the bank rec is finished, I know everything, down to the last little 15cent bank fee is entered. It balances. It is DONE. Ah, the satisfaction!
This is why I don't like cleaning: I am never done. I mop the floors, but can I then say that my house is clean? No, because I noticed the dusty skirting boards. As I clean them, I notice the marks on the walls. If I tackle that, then I move the curtains aside and see the state of the window sils. If I'm going to clean them, I should clean the windows too - heaven knows they need it! And the curtains... when was the last time they were washed? Dust flies if I give them a shake. And speaking of dust, I really should do that too. But first I need to tidy all the surfaces. And if I'm going to do that, why not rearrange things to get rid of old stuff and make way for the new. And to sort the shelves, some of it should go in cupboards, which means I really should sort them out too...
My house is never 'clean'. I am never done. Because even if I did manage to get all that done, it would take me so long that the floor would need mopping again.
I find it a tad overwhelming. I have trouble knowing which task to start with. Sometimes I start one, then get distracted and start another, then think, I'll just quickly do this... until I reach the end of the day with lots of half finished tasks and more mess than I started with.
Mostly I just ignore it. Which obviously makes the problem worse.
Sometimes I have a good day though. Like Saturdays when Jase isn't working and we're both home all day. I try not to look at everything, instead just concentrating on accomplishing as much as I can. I remember not to make my to do list be 'Clean house' and instead break it down into manageable bites that can actually be ticked off, like 'clean visible skirting boards'. (I know they're filthy behind the couches, but I just have to let that go for now...) I achieve lots of tasks, and feel good about myself and better about the house.
On these good days, I ask myself, "Why, oh why do I not do this every day?? A little cleaning every day, and one day I might even be able to say that my house is 'clean', or near enough to it."
Little things blow me away. Like today... I cleaned the pair of heels that had been sitting in the laundry with a little mud on them since Feb 7th!! It took all of 3 minutes and they were back in my cupboard! How on earth could I have left it so long? Why do I procrastinate on these tiny tasks until I forget about them and they just become part of the clutter that I don't even notice anymore?
I so desperately want to teach Cooper to be a 'Just Do It!' person; to focus on the task at hand rather than getting lost in the big picture. Maybe we can practise together. :)
This is why I don't like cleaning: I am never done. I mop the floors, but can I then say that my house is clean? No, because I noticed the dusty skirting boards. As I clean them, I notice the marks on the walls. If I tackle that, then I move the curtains aside and see the state of the window sils. If I'm going to clean them, I should clean the windows too - heaven knows they need it! And the curtains... when was the last time they were washed? Dust flies if I give them a shake. And speaking of dust, I really should do that too. But first I need to tidy all the surfaces. And if I'm going to do that, why not rearrange things to get rid of old stuff and make way for the new. And to sort the shelves, some of it should go in cupboards, which means I really should sort them out too...
My house is never 'clean'. I am never done. Because even if I did manage to get all that done, it would take me so long that the floor would need mopping again.
I find it a tad overwhelming. I have trouble knowing which task to start with. Sometimes I start one, then get distracted and start another, then think, I'll just quickly do this... until I reach the end of the day with lots of half finished tasks and more mess than I started with.
Mostly I just ignore it. Which obviously makes the problem worse.
Sometimes I have a good day though. Like Saturdays when Jase isn't working and we're both home all day. I try not to look at everything, instead just concentrating on accomplishing as much as I can. I remember not to make my to do list be 'Clean house' and instead break it down into manageable bites that can actually be ticked off, like 'clean visible skirting boards'. (I know they're filthy behind the couches, but I just have to let that go for now...) I achieve lots of tasks, and feel good about myself and better about the house.
On these good days, I ask myself, "Why, oh why do I not do this every day?? A little cleaning every day, and one day I might even be able to say that my house is 'clean', or near enough to it."
Little things blow me away. Like today... I cleaned the pair of heels that had been sitting in the laundry with a little mud on them since Feb 7th!! It took all of 3 minutes and they were back in my cupboard! How on earth could I have left it so long? Why do I procrastinate on these tiny tasks until I forget about them and they just become part of the clutter that I don't even notice anymore?
I so desperately want to teach Cooper to be a 'Just Do It!' person; to focus on the task at hand rather than getting lost in the big picture. Maybe we can practise together. :)
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Busy-ness
Wow, time flies! Been about 3 weeks since my last post. So much has happened; I've thought so many times of things that I want to record about Cooper, but just haven't quite made it to the computer. And of course, I now can't remember most of what was so sensational to me at the time. Which is exactly why I keep this blog - things fade and blur so quickly, and he is only little for such a short time - I want to be able to remember as much as possible!
Sleeping...
I'm so happy to report that Cooper is starting to sleep better. Last night, for example, was sensational - he went to bed about 10:30 (Silly me didn't go til at least 11:30!), and slept through til 3:30. Back in his bed before 4am, and slept through til 6:45! Wohoo! Only one wake-up! (He had his morning feed and dozed off for his usual cat nap of 20 min or so, but then must have been tired, as he then demanded more milk and went off again!)
What has 'changed'? What are we doing differently? Not much, really.
I did have a couple nights sleeping in the lounge room (Cooper up in the room with Jase so that hopefully Jase would wake to him before I did!) when Jase wasn't working the next day, which recharged my batteries slightly.
This gave me more energy to persist with re-settling him without feeding a bit more often, which maybe helped? People kept telling me that if I fed him to sleep, he would continue to wake regularly for more comfort feeds. Bit of a catch 22 though, as I was physically unable (fatigue and hip and back soreness) to get him back to sleep any other way.
I'm not sure if he is sleeping better which enables me to put him to sleep without feeding, or if the putting to sleep without feeding encouraged better sleep? Bit of both, I reckon. I know one day/night when I was having a bad day and just fed him to sleep each time, and he actually slept really well (I think that was the first 'break through' night), so I'm pretty sure it is a developmental thing at least as much, if not more than our patterns and habits.
Achievements...
Cooper is such a fast crawler now. He is pulling himself up on furniture and people, and starting to walk along the furniture and a little while we hold his hands. He will let go of the couch and turn to grab me, still mostly falling, but continuing to try. He is so very proud of himself! So cute when he gives himself a clap, and falls over in the letting go!
Oh yeah, clapping is a new achievement, which is loves to do! He also high fives, but doesn't get the point of waving yet.
He is definitely understanding key words now. For example, he will clap on command, without demonstration. I believe he also understands up, finished, bathies, mum, dad, Ama (Grandma), and... other words which I can't think of right now.
Development...
He is still growing like a weed. Although, on the charts, percentage-wise for his age, he has slowed quite considerably, I believe. (Haven't checked for a month.) Weighs a ton. I find it really difficult to carry him for long.
He still loves people and the outdoors. It kills him on Friday arvos when we have a bunch of kids over, and the 4 big kids go outside to run around and he usually has to stay inside with the other baby. He can't wait to be one of the big kids.
Cooper still flashes his gorgeous smile around, although not with quite the same abandonment as before. He often takes longer to check people and situations out before he shares his smiles and chatter with them. When he does, however, he is still the charmer he always has been.
He will be 9 months tomorrow, and Jase and I still love him to bits!
Sleeping...
I'm so happy to report that Cooper is starting to sleep better. Last night, for example, was sensational - he went to bed about 10:30 (Silly me didn't go til at least 11:30!), and slept through til 3:30. Back in his bed before 4am, and slept through til 6:45! Wohoo! Only one wake-up! (He had his morning feed and dozed off for his usual cat nap of 20 min or so, but then must have been tired, as he then demanded more milk and went off again!)
What has 'changed'? What are we doing differently? Not much, really.
I did have a couple nights sleeping in the lounge room (Cooper up in the room with Jase so that hopefully Jase would wake to him before I did!) when Jase wasn't working the next day, which recharged my batteries slightly.
This gave me more energy to persist with re-settling him without feeding a bit more often, which maybe helped? People kept telling me that if I fed him to sleep, he would continue to wake regularly for more comfort feeds. Bit of a catch 22 though, as I was physically unable (fatigue and hip and back soreness) to get him back to sleep any other way.
I'm not sure if he is sleeping better which enables me to put him to sleep without feeding, or if the putting to sleep without feeding encouraged better sleep? Bit of both, I reckon. I know one day/night when I was having a bad day and just fed him to sleep each time, and he actually slept really well (I think that was the first 'break through' night), so I'm pretty sure it is a developmental thing at least as much, if not more than our patterns and habits.
Achievements...
Cooper is such a fast crawler now. He is pulling himself up on furniture and people, and starting to walk along the furniture and a little while we hold his hands. He will let go of the couch and turn to grab me, still mostly falling, but continuing to try. He is so very proud of himself! So cute when he gives himself a clap, and falls over in the letting go!
Oh yeah, clapping is a new achievement, which is loves to do! He also high fives, but doesn't get the point of waving yet.
He is definitely understanding key words now. For example, he will clap on command, without demonstration. I believe he also understands up, finished, bathies, mum, dad, Ama (Grandma), and... other words which I can't think of right now.
Development...
He is still growing like a weed. Although, on the charts, percentage-wise for his age, he has slowed quite considerably, I believe. (Haven't checked for a month.) Weighs a ton. I find it really difficult to carry him for long.
He still loves people and the outdoors. It kills him on Friday arvos when we have a bunch of kids over, and the 4 big kids go outside to run around and he usually has to stay inside with the other baby. He can't wait to be one of the big kids.
Cooper still flashes his gorgeous smile around, although not with quite the same abandonment as before. He often takes longer to check people and situations out before he shares his smiles and chatter with them. When he does, however, he is still the charmer he always has been.
He will be 9 months tomorrow, and Jase and I still love him to bits!
Friday, 2 March 2012
Mr Independent
Cooper is definitely getting over his clinginess, which is just fantastic! He still grumbles a bit if I leave the room, but is putting his ever-improving crawling skills to work to follow me around. He also is becoming increasingly happy to wander away from me.
He showed his independence again at Rhyme Time today. Shortly after arriving, he was off, doing his little meet 'n' greet thing... crawling around, stopping here and there to smile at, flirt with or try to kiss other babies and mums. He then plonked himself right near the front, so as to have the best view for watching Sam lead Rhyme Time. Every now and then he would turn around and face the crowd, assuming, I'm sure, that they were all there to sing and perform just for his viewing pleasure. So cute. He was so happy and well-behaved down the front all on his own. Here's hoping that lasts!
He is turning into such a little boy! I mean, he is still a baby, of course, but at the same time, he is looking more and more like a little boy to me. I love it! Really love it! The independence, the ability to express himself more, the curiosity, the playfulness, the interaction and relational stuff all developing - awesomeness!! Babies are cute, but I like kids much more. I'm loving my little boy so much! He melts my heart.
He showed his independence again at Rhyme Time today. Shortly after arriving, he was off, doing his little meet 'n' greet thing... crawling around, stopping here and there to smile at, flirt with or try to kiss other babies and mums. He then plonked himself right near the front, so as to have the best view for watching Sam lead Rhyme Time. Every now and then he would turn around and face the crowd, assuming, I'm sure, that they were all there to sing and perform just for his viewing pleasure. So cute. He was so happy and well-behaved down the front all on his own. Here's hoping that lasts!
He is turning into such a little boy! I mean, he is still a baby, of course, but at the same time, he is looking more and more like a little boy to me. I love it! Really love it! The independence, the ability to express himself more, the curiosity, the playfulness, the interaction and relational stuff all developing - awesomeness!! Babies are cute, but I like kids much more. I'm loving my little boy so much! He melts my heart.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Losing the plot
Cooper's sleep seems to be going from bad to worse. Up about every hour. Sometimes up as soon as 15 min after I got him down. He usually goes ok for the first few hours of the night, but from 12:30 or 1am onwards - sleep deprivation hell.
I wake up in the morning with that horrible feeling like I haven't actually gone to bed. My eyes sting. My motivation is almost non-existant. I just focus on getting through those first few hours until my body reaches the point of giving up trying to sleep, then I start to feel ok again.
And get this - I'm suffering from insomnia!! I try to go to bed early while Jase is up to tend to Cooper, and I CAN'T SLEEP! Sometimes after putting Cooper down, I can't get back to sleep either.
I wonder what is wrong with my baby. He seems uncomfortable. Tossing and turning, occassionally whimpering. I took him to the chiro and his shoulder was out - been overdoing the crawling and pulling himself up, lol. He slept a touch better that night, but still not great.
Yesterday I went to visit my health care insurer. My friend is with them and they covered her completely for a 5 day stay and a mother and baby unit in Melbourne. I went in to see if that option was available for me. There seemed to be lots of confusion and I had to wait for ages to get the verdict.
While I waited, I started to dream of having someone else tend to Cooper all night long so that I could just sleep. In my sound proof room where I couldn't hear him. And having healthcare professionals watching him sleep and being able to give advice specific to my baby, not just general 'have you tried...?' I started to get quite excited.
And then the news... sorry, your level of cover doesn't include this. I cried. Not a full on cry in there - I managed to hold it back to just a few tears until I got outside. I think it was a combination of tiredness and PMS that made me unable to contain the disappointment.
The lady saw me though, and called later, telling me to call the hospital directly so they could do a phone assessment and then they would discuss with the health fund to work out how much the health fund would cover and how much I would have to fork out. I have to call back Monday. Hopefully it is really cheap! Although there is also the issue of me working for 4 weeks in 4 weeks time - the waiting list is - 4 to 6 weeks! Ah well, we'll see how it goes.
I'm feeling a bit better today, although I have a sore throat... a bit run down, I think. This too, shall pass. I will sleep again one day. And in the meantime, I will be grateful for my adorable boy who is so happy and charming for most of the day! In spite of the nights, he really is such a delight!
Note: not looking for sympathy, and definitely not looking for advice right now... just recording how things are for my memory's sake. :)
I wake up in the morning with that horrible feeling like I haven't actually gone to bed. My eyes sting. My motivation is almost non-existant. I just focus on getting through those first few hours until my body reaches the point of giving up trying to sleep, then I start to feel ok again.
And get this - I'm suffering from insomnia!! I try to go to bed early while Jase is up to tend to Cooper, and I CAN'T SLEEP! Sometimes after putting Cooper down, I can't get back to sleep either.
I wonder what is wrong with my baby. He seems uncomfortable. Tossing and turning, occassionally whimpering. I took him to the chiro and his shoulder was out - been overdoing the crawling and pulling himself up, lol. He slept a touch better that night, but still not great.
Yesterday I went to visit my health care insurer. My friend is with them and they covered her completely for a 5 day stay and a mother and baby unit in Melbourne. I went in to see if that option was available for me. There seemed to be lots of confusion and I had to wait for ages to get the verdict.
While I waited, I started to dream of having someone else tend to Cooper all night long so that I could just sleep. In my sound proof room where I couldn't hear him. And having healthcare professionals watching him sleep and being able to give advice specific to my baby, not just general 'have you tried...?' I started to get quite excited.
And then the news... sorry, your level of cover doesn't include this. I cried. Not a full on cry in there - I managed to hold it back to just a few tears until I got outside. I think it was a combination of tiredness and PMS that made me unable to contain the disappointment.
The lady saw me though, and called later, telling me to call the hospital directly so they could do a phone assessment and then they would discuss with the health fund to work out how much the health fund would cover and how much I would have to fork out. I have to call back Monday. Hopefully it is really cheap! Although there is also the issue of me working for 4 weeks in 4 weeks time - the waiting list is - 4 to 6 weeks! Ah well, we'll see how it goes.
I'm feeling a bit better today, although I have a sore throat... a bit run down, I think. This too, shall pass. I will sleep again one day. And in the meantime, I will be grateful for my adorable boy who is so happy and charming for most of the day! In spite of the nights, he really is such a delight!
Note: not looking for sympathy, and definitely not looking for advice right now... just recording how things are for my memory's sake. :)
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