How many fluids can you expel?

I picked up a sleepy Cooper to take to bed last night and felt wet all down my chest - lovely.  Only the second time I've been drenched in spew, so not too bad, really.  I changed my top, picked up the bub who was crying by now, and what do you know?  He did it again!  Ok, I give up (I give up qickly, I know!), I'm sleeping topless tonight.

I change his nappy, when I suddenly realise he wasn't done... poo pours out all over the change table!  Ew!  Clean him up, get a new cover for the change table.  And while I'm at it, get another spew rag so I can put another layer under us while we do the bedtime feed ... just in case!

At 3:30 I'm awakened by a huge, juicy Fffbbblleeeeffftt.  Oh no, quick, get him out of bed before he leaks and I end up having to change our sheets in middle of the night!  On the way to the change table, he lets out another ffbblleefft... this probably should have been my clue that he wasn't finished, but keeping in mind that I was half asleep, can you guess what happened next??  Yep, I whip off his nappy and he shoots poo all over the change table again!!

I'm holding his legs up out of the mess, anxiously checking to see if his clothes are safe or if we need a mid-night change when I hear a SSSSsssss.  Yep, free willy wee... all over himself AND the spare change of clothes I keep at the top of the change table!!!

BAHAHAHA!  It was just the day before that I was thinking about how little laundry Cooper makes compared to what I was expecting.  By this stage, I am totally seeing the funny side!  Unfortunately, Cooper is not, and the wailing starts.  He's hungry and wet all over, and mum is standing there just laughing!  Now remember how I decided to sleep topless?  The crying and the bit-later-than-normal night feed of course meant that breastmilk started dripping out to add to the already soggy mess!

We got cleaned up and barely made it through the feed.  Cooper was still uptight, so I let him sleep on my chest.

So, we've had great quantities of vomit, poo, wee, tears and breastmilk.  Surely there are no more fluids to expel, right?  Wrong... he completed the mess by slobbering all over my collarbone (which he was sucking for comfort) and sneezing on me!

I think I need a shower!!!