Itchy feet

Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  But I want to use this space to record all of the memories of being a new mum, for down the track when I've forgotten what it was really like.

And as much as I love my new role of housewife and mum, I must admit that lately I've been a little restless.  I seem to spend my days waiting... waiting for Cooper to finish feeding, to fall asleep, to wake so I can move.  Although he is getting a bit better at sleeping on his own, he is sleeping less during the day.  I find myself hesitant to start things because I fear he will wake.  I find it hard to know when to do things like go grocery shopping as his sleeping pattern seems to change a bit.  Although I love making silly faces and noises and seeing his delight, there is a limit to how long I can do it each day without feeling like my brain is turning to mush. 

Although I don't like stress, I like having quick, achievable goals to work towards, and I'm definitely more of a morning person.  Often we are washed, dressed, washing done by mid-morning, and then my motivation dies as I realise the essentials are done and we have the rest of the day stretching out with not much more than feeding, nappy changing and silly faces ahead.

I've always wanted to be a stay at home mum, but when pregnant, thought that maybe going back to work just 5 hrs a week would be good for me.  I'm glad I made tentative arrangements for that, as I am quite looking forward to it.  I like having a bit of structure in my week.  I want to use my brain.  A few days ago I looked up some Japanese language websites.  Since my laptop is the easiest thing to use when feeding or cuddling Cooper, I figured that would be easier to study that way than with textbooks, paper and pens.  It has been nice to have a bit of a diversion, but it still feels like a somewhat pointless activitiy, as I am not learning it for any particular reason.

I know there are other 'housewifey' things that I could do... I could use my laptop time to do things like look up recipes and plan meals, but I'm just not that interested in cooking, really.  Or I could use it to learn more about parenting and thinking about how I can improve/change the way I do things with Cooper.  But I'm a little over parenting books and websites.  I could work harder at getting Cooper to sleep on his own and use that time to get the house tidier and cleaner.  But really, who wants to live in a pristine, sterile environment?  (Ok, my place is far from sterile and pristine, but I'm not particularly motivated to get it more so.)

I'm curious to see how I will feel over the coming weeks, months and years.  Will I get busier as Cooper gets older?  Will I get more into routine and get more bored?  Will I thrive with a bit of external work in my week, enjoying the opportunity to do something 'non-mummyish'?  Will things change with another baby one day?

Hmm, well, Cooper is stirring, so it looks like this waiting period (and post) are over, while I go do another nappy change, feed and re-settle...