So, last night he was up at 11, 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and finally up for the day at 8am. Rediculous.
Jason was chatting to someone today who advocated the use of controlled crying, and asked again why we weren't trying it. I thought that, to be fair, I probably should actually try to read a bit about it rather than just write it off on my uninformed instinct.
Talk about conflicting info and opinions! From "You're selfishly putting your desire for sleep and convenience above your child's needs" to "Well you're spoiling your child and causing long term sleep problems". Such emotive arguments on both sides. Research quoted from both sides.
At this stage, I'm siding against controlled crying. A few things that mainly stand out:
1) Even the controlled crying advocate sites talk about how hard it will be for the mum in particular, and how important it is to have support to help you remain strong. I know that at times we have to let our kids go through tough stuff, even though it just about kills us, but if it is that emotionally tough for a mum and feels 'wrong' for her to not tend to her crying baby, it makes me wonder if it can actually be a good thing.
2) Again, on a pro controlled crying site, it was listing potential hiccups and what to do. "Don't worry if your child vomits - this is just from excessive crying. Simply clean it up with minimal fuss and light, without making eye contact." Uh, WHAT?? You said it yourself... EXCESSIVE crying? How is that a good thing? I can't bear the thought of allowing my child to get distressed to the point of vomiting, and then to not even offer comfort.
3) And the clincher... Apparently controlled crying was a method developed by Dr Truby King in 1913. He was of the opinion that you build character in a child by avoiding cuddling and other attention. Hmm... ok, I strongly disagree with you on that one, Dr King, therefore am not keen to follow any of your child rearing strategies. (He was also against further education for women, as he believed it would "effect their maternal function and have a damaging effect on the human race". Uh, yeah, because if women are allowed to use their brain, instead of simply functioning as directed, they might use their maternal instinct and stand up against men and their stupid ideas, like controlled crying and not cuddling babies!)
Note: Dr King did support a good idea or two, such as extended breastfeeding, so I'm afraid I can't write him off as totally evil!
Note 2: If anyone reading this has done / will in the future do controlled crying, please rest assured that I don't judge you for it. You have to do what works for you and your family. I recognise there are arguments both for and against. And even though at this stage I'm not keen on the idea, give me a few more months of sleep deprivation and I might decide that whatever I have against it is outweighed by the danger of me driving to the supermarket, and I may even use it myself, who knows?!
All things in moderation? Sometimes I think it's needed and sometimes other methods that go against it are needed. So much depends on the child and the situation. Sometimes I'm sure the boy I care for is crying and shouting just coz he can and is stubborn and wants attention. In those times, in my own stubbornness, I'm content to be tough. But there are also moments I wonder if I need to handle this one differently. You know? And I have no idea what it's like to be a mum so that aspect is foreign to me. Try not to let yourself get too confused with all the advice, ok? If only you could figure out what's causing him to wake so often. Something must be disturbing him to wake that often. Hope it all works out soon.
ReplyDeleteWould be so nice to know what goes on in their little brains and how to best handle each individual, hey? :)
Deletemy darling 1 year old just deleted my thoughtful response, dang it! Anyway, suffice to say, I dont agree with Kel for some of that (without being mean, its heaps easier to let someone else's kid cry than it is your own), and even my friends who are staunch CCers still have sleep problems with their kids. Some kids sleep good, some don't. People who say they have perfect sleepers also probably lie after the fact because I don't know anyone who hasn't had this problem - if not before one, then after one.
ReplyDeleteYep, I'd be happy to accept that he's just not a good sleeper (once I've ruled out any medical probs), but there's still that tiny niggle that, well, something must be wrong? Especially when people keep giving me advice... oh, try this, it worked for my sister's colleague's friend's daughter. Makes me kinda feel like I should be able to fix it, I just haven't tried the right thing yet. I'd be much happier to just hear "Some kids just don't sleep" and be able to fully believe that mine is one of them.
DeleteThat was my less thoughtful response just so you know, my first one was much nicer.
ReplyDeleteYou're funny, Tab :)
DeleteI too am not a CC fan. I let Lizzie cry a little bit, largely because sometimes you just CAN"T be everywhere at once and she's number 2 lol! but if she doesnt settle within a couple of minutes, or if she is starting to get distressed then I go to her. But I also know with my girls they need(ed) to lay on their backs in bed for a few minutes to let the wind work its way out lol!
ReplyDeleteUltimately though, I can't bear to see my baby girls upset, and if its a choice between laying in bed upset because they are crying their heart out, or dozing lightly with them in my arms till they go to sleep, I know which I will choose every time I can lol!
I really like Pinky's article on CC. certainly gives something to think about!