Losing the plot

Cooper's sleep seems to be going from bad to worse.  Up about every hour.  Sometimes up as soon as 15 min after I got him down.  He usually goes ok for the first few hours of the night, but from 12:30 or 1am onwards - sleep deprivation hell.

I wake up in the morning with that horrible feeling like I haven't actually gone to bed.  My eyes sting.  My motivation is almost non-existant. I just focus on getting through those first few hours until my body reaches the point of giving up trying to sleep, then I start to feel ok again.

And get this - I'm suffering from insomnia!!  I try to go to bed early while Jase is up to tend to Cooper, and I CAN'T SLEEP!  Sometimes after putting Cooper down, I can't get back to sleep either.

I wonder what is wrong with my baby.  He seems uncomfortable.  Tossing and turning, occassionally whimpering.  I took him to the chiro and his shoulder was out - been overdoing the crawling and pulling himself up, lol.  He slept a touch better that night, but still not great.

Yesterday I went to visit my health care insurer.  My friend is with them and they covered her completely for a 5 day stay and a mother and baby unit in Melbourne.  I went in to see if that option was available for me.  There seemed to be lots of confusion and I had to wait for ages to get the verdict. 

While I waited, I started to dream of having someone else tend to Cooper all night long so that I could just sleep.  In my sound proof room where I couldn't hear him.  And having healthcare professionals watching him sleep and being able to give advice specific to my baby, not just general 'have you tried...?'  I started to get quite excited.

And then the news... sorry, your level of cover doesn't include this.  I cried.  Not a full on cry in there - I managed to hold it back to just a few tears until I got outside.  I think it was a combination of tiredness and PMS that made me unable to contain the disappointment.

The lady saw me though, and called later, telling me to call the hospital directly so they could do a phone assessment and then they would discuss with the health fund to work out how much the health fund would cover and how much I would have to fork out.  I have to call back Monday.  Hopefully it is really cheap!  Although there is also the issue of me working for 4 weeks in 4 weeks time - the waiting list is - 4 to 6 weeks!  Ah well, we'll see how it goes.

I'm feeling a bit better today, although I have a sore throat... a bit run down, I think.  This too, shall pass.  I will sleep again one day.  And in the meantime, I will be grateful for my adorable boy who is so happy and charming for most of the day!  In spite of the nights, he really is such a delight!

Note:  not looking for sympathy, and definitely not looking for advice right now... just recording how things are for my memory's sake.  :)